SALEM, ORE. — Walter Isaacson’s biography “Ray Hargreaves” is the least popular book in the nation. Initially scheduled to be published in 2012 with the title “Too Soon,” plans for the book changed when Ray got bored of proofreading.
“I maintained I had no skeletons in my closet that could’t be allowed out,” Ray recalls. “It turns out that actually makes for a pretty dull read; which is why the last half was changed into a choose-your-own-adventure story.”
Ray’s parents were dumbfounded by the release, citing his incorrect portrayals of them as “completely baseless and untrue,” Vickie said. “We’re not old.” She then proceeded to watch an episode of “Murder She Wrote” recorded on a VHS tape.
“I figured he would quiz me on it, so I just got the main points via Cliff Notes,” his brother admitted. “I mean, why would I read stories about his childhood when I actually had to suffer through them?”
After reading Steve Jobs’ biography, most were appalled at Ray’s outrageous behavior in the workplace. “He was always nice to other employees, loved to smile, and never raised his voice,” one reviewer said. “Completely uncalled for.”
Even 2P START! co-creator Tim Harding was quoted as saying, “Ray and I ended our website over a year and a half ago. Why am I still being interviewed for these newsletters?”
But the book has been a surprisingly big hit with children, who find the wacky mazes and color-by-number pages to be especially entertaining. “Ray’s an epicure of his genre,” a surprisingly articulate eight year-old said. “Especially with regard to Sonic fan fiction.”
Click here for an explanation.
While I saved you all from incessant Sonic Generations rantings on OUR podcast, I had no control over what went on at The Spindash where Ray recently made his opinions known. Be warned, this podcast is for Sonic geeks only, not normal people like you and me. If you don’t care about weird dog-fairies or other strange hybrid creatures, then DON’T click here!
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